The Frog
by ShunKickShunKers
Summary: Jane gives an interesting "forgive-me" present to Lisbon. just mindless humor :3 Now COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people! I'm not dead yet (still have to finish my other fics before hee) but going through that certain period in scholarship where you need to prove to teachers you ARE a capable student (…which I am not but I can still try :p) aka EXAMS. Last one is tomorrow so free-time is soon back :D! **

**Anyway, here is a short thing I wrote between 2 exams (my head was about to blow…I had to do something :p) inspired by a weird dream (again). Just pointless (attempt of) humor :3 **

**And thanks to my half-beta again! (What would I do without you, I wonder xD) **

**Hope you like it (won't blame you if you don't :3)**

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><p><strong>The Frog <strong>

**1**

Jane had messed up again. And this time, he had screwed up _badly_. The previous night, Lisbon had been so angry she hadn't even found the words to insult him and scream about how irresponsible and stupid he was, and how wrong the situation could have turned out and how much hassle Hightower would have dealing with the aftermath of his garbage, and Lisbon could already see herself being summoned to her boss' office to be informed that she was fired and yadda, yadda, yadda…

In fact, had he not been so… _fascinated _by the consequences of his actions, he would have made a smart comment on her turning blue and struggling to articulate her exact stream of thoughts. She didn't need to voice them though. Her desire to shoot him on the spot, then resurrect him to shoot him again and again was very, _very_ obvious. But still, it wasn't _his_ fault if the manager of the café had run from the backdoor with a gun when he understood he had been caught, neither was Jane guilty of… _not saying_ the gun had no bullets. He had just forgotten to inform Lisbon that he had taken them off a little earlier. It had ended up with the culprit to be shot in the shoulder, falling backwards in a pound and accidently crushing a poor duck.

Animal Rights representatives, who had been nearby at the moment, had made a fuss about it and the lawyer had scolded about shooting at a harmless man. The blond shrugged to himself. A poor duck had to suffer from unconsciousness a few hours, and so what? And the lawyer's crap; harmless? What _if_ the gun had been loaded? Who cared if the madman was shot? He deserved it anyway.

Well anyway, it had mattered to a lot of people and now Lisbon was paying the consequences. So now, he had to make up for it. Knowing a grin or an origami figure wasn't going to put him back in her good side this time, he had decided for a more… _material_ approach. Jane secretly hoped she was going to enjoy this, because he found it would be a very original way to make up with her.

A quick glance around informed him that the team hadn't arrived yet. Afar, he could see Lisbon's frame, leaning over her desk and filling paperwork. One last check on his bribery and he crossed the few meters that separated him from the senior agent's door. He pushed it open and sneaked his head inside. As expected, she was still paying attention the task at hand and barely reacted to his presence.

"Lisbon?" he called. She didn't reply. "Lisbon?" her eyes were still focused on the papers to fill, but he could almost see a vein pulsing on her forehead. "Lisbooo…"

"Jane." she snapped to eventually acknowledge his presence. The blond man took it for an invitation and stepped inside. She didn't react further though, her attention back to her work. A few awkward minutes ticked by before he eventually gathered up the guts to open his mouth again.

"I'm sorry."

Her answer was immediate.

"No, you're not."

"I'm sorry I upset _you_" he added, insisting on the 'you'. He had made clear he didn't give a damn on Mr. Anderson –or the poor duck's- fate. But she was much more important. She raised her head and glared at him.

"I'm not upset, I'm angry." Oh yeah, he realized with a wince, given her tone, she sure was. "Go back to your couch and don't bother me today, I'm not in the mood."

"But I brought you an apology present Lisbon" he whined. Once again, he was rewarded by a glare.

"A paperfrog isn't going to make it better."

"I know. That's why I bought you the real thing this time."

Lisbon frowned at his words. Jane handed her a jar she hadn't noticed he had been carrying all this time and put it on her desk. After a closer look, the agent popped her eyes wide in shock. Something green was in the jar. Something green, breathing, and eyeing her with a big, dark shinning eye.

"You bought me a _frog_?"

The amphibian cawed loudly. Lisbon almost jumped out of her chair. Jane grinned.

"The usual paperfrog wouldn't work, so I bought you a real one. It's called Bertie. Do you like it?"

The woman stared at him in disbelief and narrowed her eyes. The blond man's smile faltered immediately.

"Bring it back from wherever it came from."

"I… I can't Lisbon, the pet shop…"

"The hell I care about the pet shop! Bring it back right now!"

"You know what, I think Hightower mentioned I should take a few days off…" he started, stepping closer to the door.

"Jane!"

Too late. With a last grin, the blond man disappeared from her office and shut the door close. Lisbon sighed dryly and turned back to the frog, wondering what had crossed her consultant's mind.

Bertie merely stared blankly at his new mistress, and cawed again.

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><p><strong>Liked it? Didn't like it? Please let me know :3 <strong>

**It might turn into a 3-shot…I think I forgot to mention it up there…**

**Anyway, thank you for reading :D!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heey me again :3 ****sorry for the late update (was intending to do it earlier but this one needed a check) Not much to say (aside that it's been freezing down here, and Jack Sparrow is still awesome :D) so I'll just let you read :3**

**Thanks to Frogster****; ****Chiisana Minako; 1832TeaQL ; The HongKonger; Viviskilener-jisbonist4ever ; Amri91; Kuhlama , Jisbon4ever ; theskydreamer ; Anna (glad you like it :3) for their reviews. Thanks for the alerts and favourite too :D**

**And thanks to my half-beta for beta-ing this :3**

**Disclaimer: Only Bertie is mine. Sort of. Hope you'll enjoy this (won't blame you if you don't ;3**

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><p><strong>The Frog<strong>

**2**

Lisbon didn't mind animals. When she was a child, she often went horse-riding; at home, they had a few pets (that often ended buried in the back yard garden, fishes, especially, didn't last long with her three careless brothers around). She had been pleasantly surprised when Jane had gotten her that pony (or rented it for her, it didn't really matter at the moment). Then, she had thought the man knew her better than anyone. Now, she thought this lack of...taste was a huge mistake from his part. Or an intended joke.

Whatever what had crossed his pretty little head, giving her a living frog was _not_ considered a decent present in her book. Lisbon sighed, knowing that her inner debate would not make her work do itself. She sat on her chair and started filling papers again.

"_Ribbit, ribbit_"

The woman blinked and turned her attention to the creature in the jar. The frog's head was moving with small sharp tilts, its wide eyes still focused on her, as if observing her intensely or wanting to catch her attention.

"_Ribbit, ribbit"_

"What do you think you're doing? Staring won't bring you anything" she grumbled before focusing on her paperwork again. It didn't take long before Bertie cawed again.

"_Ribbit_"

Despite the urge to glance, she didn't look up, not wanting to give the damn frog the satisfaction of getting her attention. A few minutes went by, a file was completed and she had almost forgotten the creature when…

"_Ribbit, ribbit_"

Lisbon slammed her fist on the desk, making the jar and the frog inside jump. Soon, the pot stopped moving and Bertie regained its original position, eyes still fixed on her.

"Caw _once _more and I swear I'm sending you to that French restaurant around the corner with a ribbon around your neck."

The frog moved its head again, changing the angle of its eyes. Its head moved forwards, as if acknowledging her words. The woman couldn't help but crack a small smile, thinking that Cho might have found his match when it came to poker faces. Someone suddenly knocked at the door and through the blinds, she spotted Van Pelt holding a file. After vocally granting her rookie the access, the dark-haired woman leant forward on her desk and glanced at the younger one with a hint of curiosity.

"Hey boss… I was wondering, since there is no case… could I leave a little bit earlier tonight? I have…personal matters to solve and…"

Lisbon nodded in understanding.

"It's all right. If no case shows up you're free to go."

The redhead smiled genuinely.

"Thanks boss."

"_Ribbit_"

Lisbon's smile dropped and she glared at the creature. This time, his shining eyes seemed to be mocking her and she felt the urge to strangle it. Van Pelt stepped closer and only then realized there was an intruder on her boss's desk.

"Is that a toad?" she asked warily. Lisbon sighed.

"No, it's a frog. Present from Jane, don't ask me why. Do you know any place I could release it? I'm not keeping this thing with me."

As she spoke, Bernie decided it would be nice to scare the redhead and half-jumped in his narrow jar. Van Pelt squeaked and stepped back, immediately blushing in embarrassment. Lisbon noted immediately the tiny glint of fear in her eyes. So her rookie was scared of frogs?

"Th… there is a pound behind the CBI" the redhead managed to utter, "not too far from the building. Five minutes by foot I think."

"Okay thanks. You can leave" the senior agent added out of pity. The uneasiness of the younger woman was becoming more and more obvious each time the frog moved. For a second, Lisbon wondered what was with the creature, for it looked eager to… get out and jump on the redhead. She allowed her mind to picture her rookie running and the small frog jumping from desk to desk after her… and bit back the snarl threatening to spread on her lips.

Suddenly the door opened again, letting Hightower enter the office. Van Pelt jumped, a little startled by the unexpected noise and turned back swiftly to face the newcomer. The file she was holding accidentally bumped into the pot and the jar fell open on the desk.

"_Ribbit, ribbit_"

The little water the jar contained spread all over the floor and the frog immediately jumped out of its prison, hurrying towards the still opened door. Lisbon stood on her feet immediately and shouted to her boss:

"Close the door! Quick!"

The black woman just did. The frog landed on Van Pelt's left foot. The redhead yelped loudly and gave a generous kick to get rid of it. The door opened again, this time by Rigsby wondering what was happening in there, leaving a gap just large enough to let the newly freed creature fly through the opening and into the larger room outside.

"_Ribbiiiit_"

The cawing sound lessened as the frog went out of sight. Lisbon covered her mouth with her hand to avoid the loud chuckle threatening to bypass her lips. It became harder as a piercing scream resonated through the corridor:

"There's a frog on the loose!"

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><p><strong>As usual, liked it? Didn't like it? please let me know :3 <strong>

**Thank you for reading so far :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heya people! So here is the last chapter of the great adventures of Bertie the Frog, hope you'll enjoy it xD**

**Sorry if I didn't reply to every review, I'm kinda short on time these days but just so you know they are as greatly appreciated and make me smile every time :3 **

**Thanks to ****TheWritingDampire; ****lysjelonken; ****theskydreamer; ****mia66; ****MissDonnie; ****Viviskilener-jisbonist4ever; ****x-Pick'n'Mix-x; ****1832TeaQL; ****The HongKonger; ****Frogster**** ;Anna; ****Jisbon4ever; ****BFangz**** for their reviews :3 thanks for the alerts and favourite too !**

**And thanks to my half-beta for correcting this :D**

**Disclaimer: only Bertie is mine ^^ ****Sort of. Hope you'll enjoy this (won't blame you if you don't ;3**

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><p><strong>The Frog<strong>

**3**

"What was a frog doing in your office in the first place?"

Lisbon sighed while checking around for any sign of the creature. Hightower had joined the search under the pretence she did not want a free frog jumping around and scaring off visitors or other agents. The senior agent though figured the black woman wanted to take a short break, and the whole story –though she would never admit it- amused her. Van Pelt was mercifully sent back to her desk, but kept on checking her surroundings every two seconds.

What damages a single frog could do to an entire bullpen amazed the small brunette. A few agents had spilled their coffee, drink or food over their shirt, one witness had unsuccessfully tried to smash it under his shoe and it had drawn the attention of director Bertram while he unexpectedly showed up for a visit. And who knew the big boss of the CBI was afraid of such a tiny green little thing, and that the man squeaked like a little girl?

"It's a present from Jane ma'am" Lisbon grumbled under her teeth, kneeling on the floor to glance under a closet. She ignored the puzzled gaze of two men passing by, as well as the ogling her behind received while she was still on her hands.

"Does Jane often give you these kinds of presents?" Hightower asked, checking under a desk.

"It's just a punctual thing ma'am."

A high-pitched scream made them both raise their head and trot towards a nearby corridor. Bertie was jumping after a brown-haired secretary –Rachel Browns- with great speed for such a small creature. Lisbon hurried after the creature, resisting temptation to call after it like she would with a dog. As if an amphibian would response to its name!

Rachel ran in the closest room and shut the door fast enough. The frog stood there for a moment before starting to move again. But Lisbon was quicker this time. She caught the creature before it could jump away and held it firmly in her hands.

"Gotcha" she couldn't help but smirk in victory. The frog didn't try to escape, but his large black eyes were back on her.

"_Ribbit"_

"Oh don't you find excuses" Lisbon growled, narrowing her eyes at him. "You are going back to your jar and at then end of the day I'll put you in a pond so you won't bother anyone anymore."

"_Ribbit, ribbit" _the frog cawed, and the agent had that familiar feeling when Jane was trying to justify his actions.

"No excuses" she repeated more firmly. "And you should be grateful. I could do far worst. Remember that French restaurant?"

The frog didn't caw this time, and Lisbon smiled amusingly.

"Nothing else to say?"

Bertie blinked and kept staring at her.

"Good. Now be a nice frog and don't try to escape again, or I _will_ take drastic measures."

"_Ribbit, ribbit_"

Lisbon smirked again and suddenly realised she wasn't alone. Hightower was staring at her in disbelief, as well as three other agents obviously wondering why she was talking to her clasped hands. The senior agent wasn't someone to blush in embarrassment easily. But here, she did. The black woman eventually said with an extremely solemn tone and a hint of amusement in her eyes:

"Good catch, agent."

**-****TF-**

The rest of the morning went smoothly and slowly, as no case arrived on the senior agent's desk, nor Jane showed up to make Lisbon's life a misery. As she put down her pen, having finished all the pending paperwork, the senior agent figured she had found Jane's perfect replacement. Bertie had shown himself an extraordinary pain by cawing every few moments and trying to escape by jumping inside his jar. He almost managed to do so when Rigsby had brought a few dead flies to feed him, but thanks to Van Pelt's developed sixth sense with the creature, he didn't wander too far. A small yelp and Lisbon was out of her office, running after the fugitive creature with an amused smirk when people jumped away at the frog's sight.

At lunchtime, the senior agent decided now would be a good moment to release the creature. She didn't want it in first place, so instead of letting it rot in her office all day, she figured setting Bertie free now would be best. During the walk to the pond, she didn't say a word. The frog cawed once or twice on the road, uncomfortable with all the ups and down moving his cage of glass. The place Van Pelt had indicated wasn't too bad-looking, the senior agent decided. The pond was surrounded by wild herbs and reeds, in the shadow of a large tree and situated in a very quiet place, far from the road and eventual passer-bys.

Lisbon crouched and glanced at the creature with a hint of regret.

"As annoying as you are, you are quite entertaining, you know?"

The frog sounded out the walls of glass of his prison, as if scanning the new environment and not paying attention to his mistress anymore.

"You scare off everyone, I need to run behind you to reaper your damages and yet you still make me smile sometimes." she went on, sighing deeply. "Bertie isn't a suitable name for you. They should have called you Jane junior."

"_Ribbit, ribbit_"

The agent smirked and opened the jar. Immediately, Bertie jumped out of the pot and landed on the humid earth. He didn't move for awhile, standing there immobile as a stone. Then, Lisbon's mobile rang. At the unfamiliar sound, Bertie –or now Jane Junior- jumped into the muddy waters of the pound and swam away. Ignoring the twinge in her chest, the brunette sighed and picked up without glancing at the ID.

"Lisbon."

"_So, did Bertie enjoy his morning at the CBI?_"

The senior agent sighed in annoyance. Of course, he would call to get an update on the consequences of his actions.

"Even without being actually here, you still manage to create a huge mess. And that's not a compliment" she added, slightly annoyed when he chuckled in response.

"_Mah, a bit of animation can't hurt. And it served my purpose in the end."_

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at his words. What purpose?

"_You're not angry anymore."_

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><p><strong>Tea end :3 <strong>

**Thank you for reading this till the end ****and see you in another fic :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is just a prelude-bonus ****dedicated to Frogster. Hope you'll enjoy it :3 **

**Thanks to ****The HongKonger****, ****Allie9; ****Wldwmn; ****Frogster; ****x-Pick'n'Mix-x; ****TheWritingDampire; ****Viviskilener-jisbonist4ever; ****F.**** for their reviews :D thanks for the alerts and favourite too :3**

**And thanks to my half-beta for checking this x3**

**Disclaimer: only Bertie is mine.**

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><p><strong>The Frog<strong>

Jane knew he had messed up –and badly- this time. Lisbon's eyes were clear on that point. And this time, a single paperfrog would not cheer her up and lift her spirits. He needed to level up his game, and find the perfect gift that would make her smile. Stepping out of his couch, he decided to take a walk to clear up his mind. As he wandered in the streets, ideas flew through his brain. Lisbon liked animals, so he would stick to that.

Origamis were out of question, and he didn't want to rent a pony again. It would give a feeling of déjà-vu, plus the pony was a present, not bribery. He remembered how she took a liking to Daisy the elephant, though he seriously doubted she would appreciate a ride on the back on a pachyderm. Or the real thing for the matter. In fact, she would be more annoyed at him if he brought an elephant to the CBI's parking lot. Perhaps a stuffed animal?

He stopped walking and raised his head. Destiny must have taken pity on him, because he was standing in front of a pet shop. Deciding he had nothing to lose anyway, Jane pushed the entrance door and stepped in.

Not much to his surprise, he was welcomed by barking dogs and mewing cats. A few weird creatures were also on display on a shelf –iguana, raccoons, snakes (who in their right mind would buy a snake? He thought with a shiver) and… a frog. A tiny green frog sitting on a branch in its aquarium, blinking from time to time, looking teeeeeerribly bored. Jane had a tight smile of sympathy. Being captured in a cage was not a perspective he was looking forward to.

"Can I help you?"

A seller showed up from the staff door, ready to unleash his claws on the new client. Jane smirked, not letting the frog out of his sight.

"How much is the frog?" he asked nonchalantly. The creature suddenly… spurred to life. Its huge eyes blinked again before settling on the blond man, as if understanding he was a new center of interest.

"Twenty dollars, sir."

Did Jane imagine the slight hope in the young man's voice? He pushed the thought away…

"But I must still warn you that Bertie is a difficult frog. It doesn't like to be tossed around." He continued on a more resigned tone.

"_Ribbit"_

The frog's cawing caught Jane's attention. Bertie moved on its branch to face the blond man, tilting its head on the side. And the consultant wondered if there was more to the creature that caught the eye.

"_Ribbit, ribbit"_

Would Lisbon appreciate such a weird gift? A grin spread on his face.

"Are you saying this frog is a pain?"

The seller sighed and nodded.

"Yeah. Bertie tried to escape many times, and seriously, if the boss wasn't breathing over my neck I would have freed it sooner. Whoever buys it better not bring it back."

"_Ribbit"_ the frog cawed again, as if agreeing with the seller.

Maybe the answer to his dilemma was this; make Lisbon focus on something else than himself. And how annoying could be a harmless frog anyway? Knowing the woman, she would release it as soon as she had the chance. And release it in a _proper_ place. One last glance at the creature, and the blond man turned towards the seller, his decision made.

"I'll take it."

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><p><strong>Did you like it? <strong>**Disliked it? Please tell me xD**

**Thank you for reading so far, and see you in another fic :3 !**


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